Well, I'm ready for this month to be over. I'm in the worst rut, and there's something about the first of a month to really refresh a situation. It's like a system reboot, a clean slate, a shot at renewal.
I have really sucked lately, to put it mildly. I'm not motivated. I've been stuck in a plateau and rather than invigorating me to really push harder, exercise more and eat lots more lean protein and veggies (and less carbs), I've just kind of coasted and felt crappy about it.
Then Friday, I had a small medical procedure (nothing serious), and so I was home in the afternoon feeling a little bit lousy, and so I used that as an excuse for a free day. I had a cupcake. I had chocolate. I ate popcorn. I vegged on the couch and watched movies. Barely moved all day. Saturday, to make up for it, I ate too little. Didn't exercise except for a dog-walk. And today, Sunday, I have absolutely no motivation to go to the gym. I ALWAYS go on Sunday. Always. I make sure I'm there right at 10 because the place fills up pretty fast on a weekend.
I don't know, I just feel a bit deflated. Kind of stuck. I would never, ever quit. I don't want anyone to worry about that. But I'm sort of in that place where I feel like making a great deal more progress requires an amount of effort I just don't want to put forward right now. It's hard to reconcile this because there's nothing I want more than to be thin and healthy, and yet, I'm willing to kind of sit back and coast and not do anything to get there.
I've been blaming the weather. I know it's an excuse. It really is. But I know that on that first 45-degree morning, I'm going to want desperately to get out there and enjoy it. And when I get off work, I'm totally going to want to take the dog for a long walk. So weather is part of it.
I'm told by the lovely Chikage Windler that April 1 and warm weather will coincide this year. So I'm really looking forward to that as my big refresher. I know I'll have to get on the scale for the month 3 mark and see what I DIDN'T do during the month of March. I'll be shocked if I've lost more than 35 pounds total, which would be a two-pound loss in a whole month. That will hurt a little. It'll feel like a lot of wasted time. But maybe that will help me feel re-motivated.
Until then, I sit here like a lump and drink coffee and wonder why, when rereading this very post and letting its truth sink in, I still can't bring myself to go to the gym this morning.