I think my dog is now consuming more calories per day than I am.
8 a.m.: Dog eats bowl of Beneful Playful Life. (What is that, like 350 calories maybe?)
8:45 a.m.: Dog won't come inside -- loves snow, that traitor -- so dog gets a Kraft Single as a means of luring her in. 50 calories.
Some time between 8:50 a.m. and noon: Dog digs through the trash, finds a pizza box from yesterday (not mine, so stop worrying about my diet), chews through the box and consumes two slices. 500 calories.
1 p.m.: Dog licks plates clean full of taco sauce, cheese and meat (again, mine didn't have cheese). 75 calories.
6 p.m.: Dog will eat another bowl of Beneful. 350 calories.
9 p.m.: Dog will inevitably have to be lured in with some sort of treat so I can lock up. 50 calories.
Grand total: 1,375 calories. The nickname Fattie Doughnut remains.