Gay designers + straight men = Big laughs

Bahahhahahahahaaa!!!

The funniest series of moments in "Runway" history: Olivier, in a fake British accent, "Whaht iss double dee? What duss thaht mean?" (All serious to the camera) "I think the biggah boobs, they will be a prohblem for me."

Oh man ... a bunch of gay designers sitting around with heterosexual, boosie-loving men talking fashion ... now THAT'S good TV. Geriatric Bert standing by while some horned-up Italian motorboats his dress-making dummy? Come on! I'm dying over here ...

But let's get onto the business at hand. Bryce. He had such potential! He was one of my original choices, as you may recall. And if I had it my way, he would have skirted by last night with that pink mini and Anthony Ryan would have been sent packing for his 1987 V-neck monstrosity. (I was just having a conversation with a friend who was like, "Anthony Ryan's going all the way. He's got it." I'm like, "Got what? Crappy taste? Indeed, he does have it." Inyoface, anonymous friend.

As for who should have won but did not, Anya rocked it AGAIN last night. She was my No. 1 since day 1! Holla!!!! ...Oy, did I just say holla? I should be sent packing for that one.

Anyway, Viktor won. I don't object. It was a cute look. But it wasn't the best look of the night, not that the judges ever care about that.
ADDENDUM: I was wrong! Viktor did not win. I think I blocked out the fact that Joshua won, with his blah black cocktail dress. Why? I have no idea. I DO object!

Until next Runway ...

Mason Jennings plays intimate show at the Hag

I got to the Coffee Hag super early Monday night, about 5:30 or so just to make sure I was in the lovely Jenn Melby's way as she and her staff were clearing out tables to prepare for the Mason Jennings concert at 7:30. The Hag is an intimate space for a concert, and with 90 or so people expected, I wanted to make sure I got a seat up front to take pictures.

The concert was part of The Current radio station's Road Trip series to outstate cities that carry The Current's signal. DJ Jill Riley was the host of Monday's concert at the Hag. The two of us were on a journalism speaking panel together at MSU last year, and I interviewed her for the preview story on the concert that I ran in the Currents section last week. So she was kind enough to put me down as her "plus one" for the show. (The tickets were free, but they were gone in four minutes, so I was too late to get into the show without pulling a media string or two.)

What I didn't anticipate was that Jennings would be at the Hag just as early as I was to meet people and do sound check. So I sat at my little table for two against the brick wall with my laptop, doing some homework and quietly observing. Several employees and friends of the Hag gave Jennings demos of their bands, which he graciously accepted. Several people approached for photos, which he didn't at all seem to mind. Several people asked him questions and exchanged stories about the Twin Cities area music scene, where Jennings got his start in coffee shops a decade ago.

Being a fly on the wall in a situation like that is priceless to any arts journalist. We get the opportunity to speak with musicians on the phone to ask a few questions before a local show, which at times can yield insight into actual, true character. At times. But rarely do we get to see them in any kind of natural way, guard down, no pretense.

From his music you'd expect Jennings to be kind, laid back, insightful. And from what I could tell, he absolutely is. A true Minnesotan: NICE (even though he joined us here in the great Midwest as a young adult).

Jenn closed the Hag around 6:30 and cleared everyone out except a handful of employees mingling in the back. I got to stay. And sitting 10 feet from the stage, Jennings sat in front of the piano and started to play. For a few minutes, I got a private concert. And it was one of those moments where there was nowhere else I'd rather be.

When Jenn turned the lights down and let the audience in, a few dozen people sat on the floor in front of the stage. Jill introduced Jennings to the crowd, and he started into the piano-based "Bitter Heart," and it still felt like he was playing just for me. Chatting with a woman near my table a while later, she said the same thing. Intimate, melodic and peaceful. Music you can listen to all day, as another concert-goer put it.

After every couple of songs Jennings played, Jill would ask him a few questions, including the sound of the new record, "Minnesota," which came out today. He talked about appreciating the contrast between his last record, which was louder and electric, and the quieter piano-driven music on this new one. He talked about how the actor, Jason Schwartzman, also a musician (Coconut Records), played instruments on the record.
He talked about how the concert at the Hag was his first in a coffee shop in 10 years, so it was a nice return to his roots. Both of them talked about stopping at Jim's Apple Barn on the way down to Mankato, Jennings for Zestar apples, a recent discovery of his, and Jill for candy. And he told a funny story about having to sing the "National Anthem" at a Twins game, where there was a one-second delay between the words he was singing and the echo in the stadium, making delivery extremely difficult. At one point he started rocking back and forth like a frightened child, sure he was massacring the song. To his surprise, his slower delivery (due to extreme concentration) came off as intentional and moving.

But the most interesting Q&A came from the audience.

Q: Who does your hair?
A: The wind.

Q: What is the most musical food?
A: Chocolate chip cookies, because trumpets go off in his head when he sees them and he can't resist.

Q: Which one of his songs should Danny and Ashley in the audience play at their wedding?
A: He wouldn't go there. Such a personal decision should be made by the couple, but he was touched they would choose his music at all.

Q: Will he bless Jen and Justin's unborn child?
(A pregnant couple in the audience.)
A: Yes, with a chord he played on the piano.

Q: Dogs or cats?
A: Dogs, but more recently. He suddenly felt the urge as an adult to hug a dog. His family now has a retriever named Rosie.

Q: Will you play at the Coffee Hag again?
A: "I hope so. This place is great."

For you Jennings fans who plan to catch him on tour, here's the setlist:
1. Bitter Heart "Minnesota"
2. Raindrops on a Kitchen Floor "Minnesota"
3. Rudy "Minnesota"
4. Hearts Stop Beating "Minnesota"
5. Clutch "Minnesota"
6. No Relief "Minnesota"
7. Ballad for my One True Love "Birds Flying Away"
8. Ulysses "Use Your Voice"

What woman wants 'canceled' on her crotch?

Everyone who thought the clocks team should have won Thursday night's Runway challenge, raise your hands!! ... All of you buffoons with hands in the air, consider yourselves auf'd from this blog.

OK, OK, you can keep reading. But please seek help for your devastating vision problem.

I mean, what in the world? I was super excited to see a team challenge were five designers had to mesh their design ideas together into one collection. Plus, they had to design fabrics, which is always tragic. But I swear, from the first time Tim entered the work room, the winning team was abundantly clear.

Well, hold on, I suppose given Heidi's affinity for Bert's insane garments, there was a bit of doubt lingering. Those judges ... who knows what they'll say next. But for the vast majority of sane viewers, it was quite clear that Anthony Ryan and Viktor's team had the corner market on classy-sassy New York wear Thursday night.

My favorite piece was Anthony Ryan's tulip skirt. I also loved Olivier's tailored jacket. Anya was the winner of the challenge, but only because, while every other designer voted for THEMSELVES to be the winner on the team, Bryce threw his vote to Anya, so she ended up with two. So I'm not sure why she was that excited about the win.

The losing team, on the other hand, made up fabric designs to go along with a time/clocks theme, so some models had words such as "canceled" and "delayed" on their outfits, including the dreaded "canceled" on the crotch piece that Michael Kors pointed out (it sent the frumpy Becky packing). What was the worst piece? Every single piece on the losing team. 'Nuff said.

Heidi Klum and I are OVER

There are moments on "Project Runway" when I 100 percent cannot believe what I am hearing from the judges. Thursday night not only fit into that category, but I couldn't think of another night in all nine seasons when I've been more bewildered.

First, the challenge: The designers paired up with students from the Harlem art academy to create a painting together and then design an avant-garde garment inspired by the painting. I LOVED this challenge. Avant-garde challenges are always love it or leave it moments on the runway. There is usually no in between. Lots of drama.

I'm not going to rehash all of the outfits. Really, there are only two moments worth getting upset over.

No. 1 with a bullet: This is where Heidi Klum and I part ways FOREVER. I have tried to see her strange points of view in the past. But last night, when she was arguing for Bert's 1980s-pastel-clownpanted-tightankled-geometric-craft-project, I threw up my hands, quite literally, and said aloud in my empty living room, "I'm done! I'm (expletive) done. Heidi is an (expletive) idiot, and apparently blind," and just because she has decades of experience wearing high fashion does not mean she knows a darn thing about it. (And after a few seasons of watching "Project Runway," I guess that qualifies me as an expert ...)

There was a slight reprieve in that the other judges "didn't get" Bert's garment. But they were quite gentle in their criticism, and that is unacceptable. He should have been pushed into a corner and verbally socked in the stomach, repeatedly. We should have seen a Bert vs. judges smackdown, with him finally revealing his true colors as the workroom's biggest *itch. To say I was let down is the understatement of "Runway" history.

No. 2: There was only one moment on the runway that was breathtaking. The rest, quite frankly, were awful. (There are usually at least a couple to choose from. Not Thursday.) Kimberly! How was Kimberly not the winner of last night's challenge? Instead, she's in the middle of the pack. She doesn't event get feedback from the judges. The red feathers, the pleather, the asymmetric cut, the head piece ... somehow, she made all of those red-flag elements come together in complete and total cohesion. BEAUTIFUL.

I was telling my friend the other day that half the fun of "Runway" is getting pissed at the judges. I think I've changed my mind. It can't be healthy to be this angry over a TV show.

One designer managed the impossible ...

Late again, I know. Let's not dwell on it. : )

The challenge was OK on Thursday. I must admit, I get a bit of pleasure out of watching the designers' faces when they learn they will have to work in teams. (Bwahahahha) The big question: Who will get stuck with Bert, who is doing absolutely nothing for the AARP community, let me tell you. What a stodgy piece of work he is. I loved when he was looking directly at the four boxes on the counter filled with the designers' challenge clues, and poor Viktor is like, "They're right there! Can you bring me mine?" or something. And Bert's like, "What are you talking about? This counter is filled with stuff; I don't see any clues."

Anyway, back to the challenge. The designers worked in teams of three to make sportswear that would go well with a line of sneakers Heidi was involved with. ...Just as an aside, does anyone else raise an eyebrow when, so often, these judges are getting free work out of these designers? They're like, "Design us some stuff that we can sell and make a ton of money off of, and your reward will be that your name will be associated with my millions in profits, and we also will not humiliate you on the runway ... this week."

So who did we like? We'll get to that. There are more pressing matters at hand here. Because not another word can be written on this subject until we address the elephant in the room -- literally, the elephant -- which was the poor model that had to walk straight-faced down the runway wearing Anthony Ryan's camel-toe shorts. The short elicited the funniest and most accurate criticism of the night from Michael Kors: "You've managed to achieve the impossible. Those shorts are tight and baggy at the same time." I was rolling. The shiny shorts ballooned around the hips and were pulled tight just in the crotch. I was appalled. I was taken aback. And then I was just pissed that he wasn't the one who went home. Just look! Look, I say! How? How is that possible? NO part of this "garment" fits. Not one single part. WHY?

Now, I'm not saying I wanted to see yet another chiffon blouse from Danielle. I didn't. But I didn't throw up when her outfit came down the runway either. Still, she was the unlucky designer Thursday to be auf'd.

So back to who we did like. ... As much as I hate to admit it, I liked Bert's blue, Grecian top. That's all I'm going to say about it, because I think he's a pukey person, and I don't want to give him too many props. And plus, I think it was too fancy to go with sneakers, so there.

Bryce was my top pick of the evening. Super cool dress. Casual enough to go with sneakers, fashion forward with the snaps on the side, and could easily be dressed up with heals. Well done!

Viktor won the challenge, which is fine. His motorcycle jacket was really cool. I didn't care for the wrinkled gray dress underneath, but it wasn't awful, and it had a nice silhouette.

I must say, I hope the challenges get a little more interesting without being circus-like. The stilts? Worst in challenge history. The sportswear? Snooze. They need to start thinking about materials instead of gimmicks. The funnest challenges are the ones where they design beautiful clothes out of newspaper or produce. Creative, ultra challenging and the designers are never happy about it. How fun!

Ninazilla on the workroom rampage

OK! I'm all set for Thursday night -- all caught up on "Runway" -- and this time I will actually be home for the viewing.

Just wanted to update since I did finally see the last episode. First of all, Nina is so difficult! I knew she would be since she's kind of a jerky stickler as a judge. But talk about not giving any creative license to the DESIGNERS. Isn't it always her who says, "Listen to your client, but in the end, we want to see your vision. You are the designer; you make the choices." I guess only when the client isn't Nina herself, eh? Jeez!

Even though Becky didn't make it to the top, I stand by my original choice as her being the appropriate winner. I loved her dress. I was pleased with Kimberly's, too, though. It just seemed that Nina practically made that outfit for her. She was going to do a dress, and then Nina said she wanted pants. She was going to do a blue top until Nina said she didn't want the whole thing blue. So at least Becky arrived at her garment all on her own.

I also stand by Julie as the loser, which was actually what happened. The chick just ... doesn't ... get it. BAD.

I'll be back Friday this time, I promise!

Totally behind on Runway

So, for the past two episodes of "Project Runway," I have forgotten to set the DVR to record. And, to my dismay, it is not OnDemand, so I'm having to try to catch it in reruns later in the week, and then I forget to blog because it's the weekend ... It's a whole to-do.

So, friends of 'Runway,' yet again I have missed "Runway" and am waiting for the newest episode to appear in reruns.

HOWEVER! I'm going to offer preliminary commentary based on viewing the fashion slideshow on MyLifetime.com.

So here's what I understood about the challenge from the LA Times: If you're a Nina Garcia fan, Thursday's "Project Runway" was a party all for you. It was certainly a party for Nina, who was still a judge, and was the only client, for whom each designer had to make a work-to-industry-evening-event outfit. And in case that wasn't enough all-about-Nina for you, the winning designer's work would be showcased in an ad featuring Nina on top of New York City cabs.

Well, OK. Not a particularly interesting challenge, but after last week's fiasco with the stilts, I'm fine with a tamer one. (What an absolutely ridiculous episode that was with the stilts. Talk about a circus stunt, with creepy models and even creepier garments. The judges railed on designers for making outfits too costumey? Are they serious? The pants are 10 feet tall! Good grief ...)

So, anyway, without reading about who won or lost, here's who I think rocked it in the Nina challenge.

Becky's was my favorite dress. I liked the wrap-dress affect and the splattered black fabric. But I suspect that it's a little too hip for Nina. She seems more of a solid gray or navy fabric kind of gal. Or black. Or something else boring.

I also really liked one of my pick's, Bryce. Gray and black fabric, like she would like. But those shoulders are a little too modern for her, me thinks.

Kimberly's gold wrap shirt was OK, too. Didn't go well with those blue pants, though. Weird.

So who sucked? EVERYONE ELSE. If I had to pick one, I'd say Julie's insane, asymmetric mess of a dress will be the loser this week. She's had numerous shots, and she's been terrible the whole time.

I'll update when I actually watch the show. Until then, auf Wiedersehen!