Project Runway is for the birds

At first sight of those birds, I was like, "Have you run out of ideas, 'Project Runway,' or are you just egregiously lazy." But as the challenge unfolded -- pitting two designers against each other, piling on a second look and then GASP! taking a second look out of the equation after all that work has been put in! -- I was on board. Totally on board.

It was an edge-of-your-seat evening for "Runway." The Kimberly drama was pretty intense. She's so talented, but she always gets caught up in thinking too much. One thing after another kept going wrong because her attitude and confidence were spiraling downward. And when that glue gun made a whole in that dress she'd been laboring over for hours? I gasped out loud. Clasped my hand over my mouth.

Yet, I kept thinking to myself, the designer who wins and the one who goes home always play a larger role in that respective episode. So all of the attention they were placing negatively on Kimberly, and I thought for sure she would actually be the winner. Somehow, she would pull it out.

Well, she didn't win. But that dress (white and silky, inspired by the cockatoo) that she delivered was TO DIE. Loved. If I didn't have mid-chub, I would LOVE to wear that dress. You pretty much have to be flat around the middle to rock a dress that bares skin down to the waistband. The white LEATHER waistband. Gorgeous.

My favorite dress of the night -- for once -- was the winner. Anya, my love. She pulled out another win on a $20,000 challenge. Inspired by the raven, the black structured dress was an innovative shape with super interesting details at the shoulder, waist and back "tail" area. I could not believe Joshua's attitude when he didn't win. He barely looked at Anya because her sewing skills aren't up to par. Well, dummy, it's a design competition, not "Project Seamstress." And hello? He put an orange bird corsage on the sleeve of his dress. Who would reward that with 20 grand? And I quote: "Then she had to get I-was-drunk-in-the-Caribbean corsage on her shoulder." -Michael Kors.

I have left the best news of Thursday night for last. Many of you have waited a long time with me for this, so let us savor these words together: Bert "the codger" Keeter has left the building. About ... damn ... time. His inspiration is a green parrot, and his princess dress from the 1980s is GRAY. The bodice is snake-skin silver, and the top layer of that flowy, ankle-length monstrosity is the same shade of metallic boredom. There was a pop of green underneath, which Heidi was like, "I get what he was trying to do." Good god, Heidi. How about YOU wear Bert's outdated rags and leave the rest of us out of it.

Anyway, he's gone. We can all breath a sigh of relief.
And if you're wondering who won over who in the bird-challenge smackdown, here goes:

Bert vs. Josh, team parrot -- Josh takes it.

Viktor vs. Kimberly, team cockatoo -- Kim pulls out the steal in the last three hours.

Anya vs. Laura -- Anya wins by a landslide, with Laura turning in her usual literal mess, only this time in pants.

One of the worst outfits I've seen in a long time - Heidi

At a certain point during the "Project Runway" season, front-runners appear. But I don't remember it ever being as obvious and exclusive as this year. If it wasn't so much fun to continuously watch the bad ones fail, there really wouldn't be a point to watch the weekly episodes until the finale. I mean, seriously.

Top Three: Viktor, Kimberly, Anya.

This fact was abundantly clear Thursday night as well. With the exception of Laura's second look, none of the other designers (those not listed above) made looks that were at all tasteful or wearable. The challenge was to make two 1970s looks that are also modern. So not literal is what they were looking for.

I was stunned Joshua didn't go home -- considering Heidi called one of his pieces "one of the worst outfits I've seen in a long time -- although the decision wreaked of a purposeful shock move, since Anthony Ryan has actually performed well in the past. Not Thursday, though, and he was booted for some fugly clothes.

Anya was the winner of the challenge. She had lost her money at Mood, and she created an outfit better than the majority with $11.50 donated to her by other designers. Her second look was cute, too. But I saw Kimberly as the clear winner with her pencil skirt and crop top.

And still, we can't seem to get rid of Bert. I thought for sure his Barbie-esque fabric selection and booty shorts would result in some Bert-bashing by the judges. But once again, they continue to kiss his old butt.

He'll get his soon enough. It's only a matter of a few weeks before Viktor, Anya and Kimberly make it to the finals. Mark my words!

This 'big loser' has backslid

Wednesday's breakfast: skipped. Lunch: turkey and bacon club (with mayo) and steak fries (with lots of ketchup). Dinner: Kwik Trip corndog and a bag of candy orange slices. Dessert: Fruit and yogurt and granola thing, with two glasses of red wine.

Yeah, folks, I've backslid. Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's when the "keeping it off is the hardest part" statement starts ringing in your ears. It's when you look back at a couple of months before, when you SWORE there was no possible way that junk food for dinner and zero exercise for days could possibly be your lifestyle anymore. I mean, how in the world could you ruin all of your hard work?! There's just no way.

Oh, there's a way. You know it, and I know it. There's always a way that the old lifestyle can come creeping back in, with a tiny whisper of a promise in your brain that it's only temporary. It's just a break. Tomorrow you'll do better. But for today, live it up. Embrace what tastes good and don't worry about having to zip up those jeans tomorrow, which, for some reason, just keep getting tighter and tighter.

Well, today is "tomorrow," I guess. I haven't gained back a ton of the 50 pounds I lost this year. But it's a bit. Enough to make me worry. Enough to make me come clean to all of you, and to declare that my summer of carefree fun with candy and cookies and avoidance of the gym is OVER.

I won't be bombarding you with numerous columns about said subject, as I did for a solid seven months. But once in a while, I'd like to check in to gain back some of that accountability that helped so much a while back. Maybe that will help ensure Wednesday's 2,500-calorie day of sugar, fat and alcohol won't happen again anytime soon.

Thursday's breakfast: honeycrisp apple. Hurray! Off to a good start.

'Biggest Loser' stars are crashing at my house

As a somewhat local public figure -- and that term, in this case, is as loose as a wizard's sleeve -- I'm asked to do some strange, but interesting things. Judge beauty pageants, essay contests, chili feeds. Speak at schools and meetings. For anyone who knows me real well, it's odd anyone would want me in any key role for an event. I'm just a silly, TV-addicted, candy-loving writer.

But, as I've come to notice, when you slap your mugshot on a column and write in the first person, people start identifying with you, even if you're just spouting off about an episode of "Project Runway."

So, once again I've been surprised by a request. ... Folks (or at least one folk) at the Greater Mankato Convention & Visitors Bureau read my blog for the first half of this year when I complained several times a week about losing weight. In total, 50 ell-bees. ... A week or so ago we published a brief stating that Rebecca and Daniel, contestants on Season 8 of "The Biggest Loser," would be coming to Mankato Oct. 22 or thereabouts to run the 10K during Mankato Marathon. The two, who met on the show and fell in love (awwww), were looking for a host family to stay with while in town. ... The Chamber put two and two together, and voila! "Why not have two famous 'Biggest Losers' stay with Mankato's very own public 'Biggest Loser.'" Lol.

Sure! Why not, right? I don't live in a palace. And I have a smelly dog. But I've been known to be hospitable to guests. And how often do we get the chance to have TV stars stay in our homes?

Several concerns: What do you feed 10K runners the morning before the big race? What will they want to watch on TV? Should I record that week's episode of "The Biggest Loser" so we can watch together? Do they even watch that show? Maybe "Project Runway" is more their style. Or maybe, since they're all totally healthy now, they'd rather take a walk in the woods or something naturey like that. (In which case, do I have to go?)

Anyway, this could be interesting. Hopefully they'll be as laid back as I am and we can just rent movies or something. My mom's already begging to come over and cook dinner, though. So I guess I'll be able to add bodyguard to my roster of public duties, too. (She's a hugger.)

Olivier designs for a 'plus size' man ...haha

I honestly think that the producers have sat around and thought, "How can we make this the funniest episode of 'Project Runway' that we've ever had?" And they're doing it! They're doing it!

Last week was awesome with the designing for straight guys' girlfriends. But designing for actual straight dudes? In a band, no less? Priceless.

They just floundered! It was as if none of them had ever seen a man before, and most of them actually are men, as you may recall. I was surprised that none of the male designers had ever made clothes for themselves before.

Once again, Olivier made a fool of me for having chosen him in the beginning as one of my favorites. He went home and for good reason. He kept calling the poor lead singer of the Sheepdogs "big." "He's just so much biggah than anyone I've eva seen in real life. He's just enormous." Well, something like that, anyway. He even referred to the poor man as "plus size." Isn't that a female clothing term? And isn't that also completely inaccurate? He was fairly average, if you ask me. ...Anyway, he chose yellow and blue fabric with swans on it for the shirt. Enough said. He was auf'd. Big time. Although if I'm being honest, I thought Kimblerly's orange bowling shirt was much worse.

The winner was Viktor. Hated the shirt, and really? A fringe jacket? But given the competition this week, it was the right decision.

Fall TV is causing some scheduling conflicts

On the eve of the Fall TV Kick-Off -- aka Sunday night -- I had a problem. A big one. My digital cable had been “blinking” on and off for a while. Everything I had recorded came up with these freeze-ups every 30 seconds.

But it wasn’t all the time with every single channel, so I decided to see if it would go away. When it interrupted extremely important Sunday night programming -- I mean, come on, Sunday is THE DAY to watch TV, if you’re going to at all -- I knew I had to get somebody over to my pad fast before it messed up premiere week.

I’m not going to name the company. But gee whiz, I always have trouble. They keep you on the horn to “troubleshoot,” which never frickin’ works, and then they make you wait two hours for somebody to show up, only so they can show up 20 minutes past the two-hour window you were warned to be home during. Frustration mounts! It just mounts.

So, anyway, this morning, alas, I was given a digital box. Hurray, hurray. No more blinks. But it also means my series recordings are gone. They’re just gone. So I have some work to do.

What do I mean, you ask? Check out my fall TV lineup (and this doesn’t include those fun filler shows, such as House Hunters, Color Splash, Pawn Stars, Hoarders and other creepy TLC programming.)

I have color-coded new shows in a lovely shade of pink for your reference.

Monday

Dancing With the Stars, 7-9 p.m., ABC

*Two and a Half Men, 8-8:30 p.m., CBS

American Pickers, 8-9 p.m., History

Weeds, 9-9:30 p.m., Showtime

The Big C, 9:30-10 p.m., Showtime

EXTRA: Emmy special Fashion Police, 9-10 p.m., E!

Tuesday

The Biggest Loser, 7-9 p.m., NBC

New Girl, 8-8:30 p.m., Fox

Raising Hope, 8:30-9 p.m., Fox

Wednesday

The Middle, 7-7:30 p.m., ABC

Up All Night, 7-7:30 p.m., NBC

Modern Family, 7:30-8 p.m., ABC

Storage Wars, 9-10 p.m., A&E

Thursday

Parks and Rec, 7:30-8 p.m., NBC

The Office, 8-8:30 p.m., NBC

Project Runway, 8-9:30 p.m., Lifetime

SUNDAY

*Little People Big World, 7-8 p.m., TLC

Desperate Housewives, 8-9 p.m., ABC

Dexter, 8-9 p.m., Showtime

Breaking Bad, 9-10 p.m. AMC

PanAm, 9-10 p.m., ABC

As you can see, I keep my DVR pretty busy. Often I'm faced with difficult choices when unexpected programming pops up. I sometimes have to record two programs downstairs (that's the maximum allowance) and watch a third program upstairs, just so I don't miss anything.

: )

Did I mention that when I was a baby my mom used to put me in a crank-up swing and park me in front of the TV? Did I mention my first sentence was the early 1980s Coca-Cola ad slogan "Coke is it." Did I also mention that, nowadays, you will find me in a rocking chair parked in front of the TV drinking Coke Zero like it's going out of style?

Anyway, happy fall TV everyone!

(*Footnote: I consider Two and a Half Men new because of Ashton Kutcher replacing Charlie Sheen, and I consider LPBW new because it went off the air for a bit and now it's back, see.)

Wow, the Emmys are really fun!

My longtime readers (bless all three of you) know I love a good awards show. After the holidays I light up when I realize awards season is on deck, with the Oscars waiting at the end like a giant unwrapped package with silver ribbon.

But tonight I remembered just how fun the Emmys are, and I wondered why I haven't paid closer attention in the past. I never have really included it in my must-see awards show lineup, but dang! I've been missing out. What a fun show! Jane Lynch ... amazing as the host. So funny. And it's as if they read my mind with every single award. All my favorites cleaned up.

I have to give mad props to my favorite comedy, "Modern Family," for wins for Ty and Julie, for best supporting. (Kind of funny that all four men were nominated in the same category.) The show also took directing and writing awards and best comedy again! So well deserved. I laugh like an idiot, knee-slappingly loud, even during repeats. Especially recently when I rewatched the episode where the Dunphys change up good cop and bad cop roles. "You poked the bear, girls. You poked him!" ...Oh man...

I was also so excited to see Melissa McCarthy win for best actress in a comedy. I'm not a huge fan of "Mike and Molly," but I will always think of her as my Sookie -- the ORIGINAL Sookie, before Stackhouse stole its identity. Sookie St. James, as some of you know, was a beloved character in "Gilmore Girls." (How awesome was it that all the best actress in a comedy nominees took the stage when their names were called as nominees? Nice touch.)

When it got to the drama portion of the show, however, all I kept thinking was, "Where the hell are all the 'Breaking Bad' nominations? Doesn't Bryan Cranston win every year? Not even a single nomination?" It sent me Googling in the middle of the show, where I learned that the new summer schedule for "Breaking Bad" means season 4 won't be eligible until next year's Primetime Emmys. The more you know (shooting star).

As far as fashion goes -- because it is, after all, a crucial part of all awards shows -- I've got to give it to Kate Winslet, hands down. A beautiful, classic Elie Saab with capped sleeves, but in a smoking' hot red. She can do no wrong.