Sometimes I wonder if all runners think the same crazy things I do. Or maybe it’s just newbie runners who haven’t quite acclimated, mentally or physically, to jogging for miles.
Either way, here’s my thought progression during a recent run, which is actually fairly typical, as sad as that may be ...
Minute one: You forget this every day, so just remember: slow down. This isn’t a race. And don’t forget that the first 12 minutes are the hardest before your muscles get warmed up.
Minute 10: Jeez. This sucks. Why do you forget how bad this sucks after every single run? Runners are masochists. MASOCHISTS.
Minute 15: OK. Not so bad.
Minute 20: Heck, I could do this all day!
Minute 24: Well, maybe not all day ...
Minute 27: You really had to have that third cup of coffee?
Minute 28: Remember hearing about marathon runners who pee their pants in the middle of a race? That used to horrify me. I kind of get it now.
Minute 31: Did you really just blow your nose into your T-shirt? Who have you become?
Minute 35: Come on, Rhianna, get me through this.
Minute 37: Oh nana, what’s my name, oh nana, what’s my naaame ...
Minute 40: Maybe if you look straight down to the pavement right in front of you, you’ll be surprised and excited when you look up and see you're home.
Minute 42: Crap, no clean spots left on your sleeves to blow again.
Minute 45: Oh .... my .... gaawwwwwwwd ... this must end!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Minute 47: Oh, thank goodness. There it is. Oh, oh. Hoooome!!!!
Minute 50: The living room floor ... looks like a great place to lay down. You're never doing that again. That’s just ridiculous. Who does that? Who purposefully drags their butt around downtown for four miles? So stupid. Gawd. Dumb. You’re the dumbest.
Minute 60: Well, where should we run tomorrow ... go for five miles? Personal best? Why not.