Saturday, March 31, 2012

Things I think about when I run

Sometimes I wonder if all runners think the same crazy things I do. Or maybe it’s just newbie runners who haven’t quite acclimated, mentally or physically, to jogging for miles.
Either way, here’s my thought progression during a recent run, which is actually fairly typical, as sad as that may be ...

Minute one: You forget this every day, so just remember: slow down. This isn’t a race. And don’t forget that the first 12 minutes are the hardest before your muscles get warmed up.

Minute 10: Jeez. This sucks. Why do you forget how bad this sucks after every single run? Runners are masochists. MASOCHISTS.

Minute 15: OK. Not so bad.

Minute 20: Heck, I could do this all day!

Minute 24: Well, maybe not all day ...

Minute 27: You really had to have that third cup of coffee?

Minute 28: Remember hearing about marathon runners who pee their pants in the middle of a race? That used to horrify me. I kind of get it now.

Minute 31: Did you really just blow your nose into your T-shirt? Who have you become?

Minute 35: Come on, Rhianna, get me through this.

Minute 37: Oh nana, what’s my name, oh nana, what’s my naaame ...

Minute 40: Maybe if you look straight down to the pavement right in front of you, you’ll be surprised and excited when you look up and see you're home.

Minute 42: Crap, no clean spots left on your sleeves to blow again.

Minute 45: Oh .... my .... gaawwwwwwwd ... this must end!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Minute 47: Oh, thank goodness. There it is. Oh, oh. Hoooome!!!!

Minute 50: The living room floor ... looks like a great place to lay down. You're never doing that again. That’s just ridiculous. Who does that? Who purposefully drags their butt around downtown for four miles? So stupid. Gawd. Dumb. You’re the dumbest.

Minute 60: Well, where should we run tomorrow ... go for five miles? Personal best? Why not.


  1. You should write a book. :) You make me laugh. :) At least you made it home. So, give yourself some credit. :) Also, no worries about the shirt. Just throw it in the washer. It is fine. :D

  2. I absolutely hope that someday I can run the way you have just taken up running! You are GREAT to listen to and I love how you are so honest about it all!! Keep up the good work!!

  3. You're nice! Thanks. If you met me on the street on this very day you would never think that I could run four miles. The funny thing about running is that I truly believe absolutely everyone can do it; that it's the hardest thing in the world to physically adapt to; but that the adaptation happens unbelievably quickly if you can push through the extreme difficulty of it. It's crazy! Sometimes I think it's the dumbest thing in the world to be doing, because it's so damned hard. Every day! But what a feeling of accomplishment. If you email me at, I would gladly send you the program I used to start. The first week you run 60 seconds and walk 2 minutes, repeating 10 times. Two months ago, I could barely even do that. Nutty bananas, I tell ya. Just nutty.

  4. Ha ha!!! Just came across this post and I feel like I have the same thoughts when running. Accept usually I'm praying to Beyonce to get me through it...!