Friday, July 29, 2011

'What grown-up wants to wear a bib?'

Lol! The judges' commentary are always my favorite part of "Project Runway," and as season 9 kicked off Thursday night, they did not disappoint! Heidi was responsible for the snarky remark in the headline, and I loved Michael Kors' follow-up: "She's wearing like a Flintstone disco pouch." Ha!!!

These comments were directed toward Rafael, who was sort of the first to be auf'd. (I'll get more to that later.) Honestly, it was a three-way tie for me as to who should pack up their tacky clothes and roll that suitcase right on out of Manhattan.

First, let's talk about the challenge. The 16 designers were woken out of a peaceful slumber and told to travel down to the studio in their pj's carrying their white bed sheets with them. They had to design a garment for a female with their pajama fabric and sheets, given closures (buttons and zippers, etc.) and dye to change the fabric color. I LOVED this challenge. So fun! But I was TOTALLY grossed out by some of the fabric being used. The old guy, Bert, literally took off his peach checkered boxes and incorporated it into a cocktail dress. Forgive me, but there are prime areas of that fabric I hope weren't touching that poor model in any way. HOLY UNSANITARY, BATMAN.

So, who sucked ...

Rafael, for SURE.
I think it was Michael who said it looked like the model put on the grey, skin-tight pants and white blouse and then had too big of a meal, so she was popping out of the whole ensemble. Just the weirdest, most ill-fitting, crotch-hugging pants I've ever seen. And the bib they were referring to was a nasty, leopard print head scarf that he fashioned into a "necklace." It was a bib.

Despite the fact that the judges picked him to WIN the challenge, I hated Bert's cocktail dress. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't get over the underwear-hanging-off-this-poor-girl's-boob aspect. But I thought it looked all weird and twisty and amiss. Kind of just hung on her, all willy nilly. Honestly, when he was left on the stage to answer to the judges, I thought it would be bad news for Bert.

But Julie, who was in the bottom, presented the hottest mess of any garment in Runway history. Oh yeah, I went there. And I'm owning that statement! Oversized cargo pants that looked like they were inside out, with the droopiest butt and the saddest sickly grey color EVER. A hot pink cartoonish print on the tee, wrapped with a second bold, crazy color. How does sickly gray go with cartoon pink and yellow? Not only was it in poor taste, but it showed that she has no vision, poor construction abilities, and she works HORRIBLY under pressure. For me, it would have been Julie, and I would have gotten quite nasty about it as well.

Who's AWESOME ...

Ok, let's just pause for a moment and appreciate what Anya put forth last night. FREAKING AMAZEBALLS. This chick learned to sew FOUR MONTHS AGO. The judges weren't even going to let her compete! Because they were afraid she couldn't handle all the sewing! Then, out of frickin' nowhere, she dyes fabric to a beautiful shade of grey and makes HER FIRST PAIR OF PANTS EVER from it. And they fit like every woman wishes her pants would fit. Did you see that tushy? WHAT TUSHY?! And she was able to make a beautiful, Asian inspired halter blouse out of silk. SILK! Who in the hell can sew silk? I'll tell you who: Anya, who just learned to sew FOUR MONTHS AGO. And she's gorgeous, too. And she's cool. Why do the pretty ones have to have it all? ...

There were three surprises for me. ...

1. Cecelia did very well -- that was a surprise. There was a casting special that started the show where four designers were eliminated out of a batch of 20. (What a waste of time. I don't need to see who they DIDN'T WANT. Just get to the challenge already, am I right?) Cecelia was on the cusp of being auf'd. But she made it through, and her outfit was actually really cute. Tangerine skirt. Well-constructed, bodice-esque top. I liked it. Except for the slip up near the butt crevice. Didn't like that.

2. One of my favorites from casting videos on the website was Serena. I would have worn any of her clothes. Gorgeous! And she didn't make it through to the 16 final designers. Sad.

3. One of my top favorites, Olivier, didn't make it into the top. He was just in the middle. And I was surprised at the lackluster quality of his garment. It was a drab color. Neutral. Nothing special. A skirt and a top. But, I don't know, I'm sticking with him, I think. He's cute. Funny.

So here are my picks for people who will do quite well ...

Anya and Olivier. I have a good feeling. Oh, I also loved Bryce! Here was his outfit.
Now tell me who you liked!

Until next week ... Auf Wiedersehen!

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