Stagnation Nation

Month 5: Turning out to the be the month of bad choices and recovery and then more bad choices and then recovery. I feel destined to keep teetering between 45 and 50 pounds lost.

By June 3, the official month 5 mark, I think I'm going to be right at 50 again. Fifty was the weight I lost at the month 4 mark, as you may recall. Now, some people may look at that as maintaining. Who wouldn't want to say that after five months, they've maintained a 50-pound loss?

True. But I can't congratulate myself on the means with which I "maintained," which is to say: eat pizza and Cheetos, gain three pounds; eat super, super healthy and exercise like a madman, lose two pounds; eat pizza and ice cream, gain another three; eat super healthy, lose a couple more. That's not maintaining, is it? Seems more like a vicious cycle to me.

And you know what, people? I know better than that. So I'm not entirely sure why month five was such a disaster.

The drive seems to be missing here. The chutzpah. The fire. I need something. A boost of some kind.

Hey, remember that girl who was the biggest contestant on "Biggest Loser" and, at the end of her season, Subway decided to pay her $1,000 per pound that she lost by the next season's finale? I think her name was Shay. ... That'd do it! Hey, Subway: I will be your next poster gal if you give me some cashola for each pound I lose. I'm way cheaper than Shay, too. How does $100 per pound sound?

Can you imagine? I'd be sick frickin' thin in no time!

But, seriously, I gotta get back to bidness here. I've decided 77 pounds is my goal weight, for the purposes of this public weight-loss campain, that is. I've never been in super great shape before, so I have no idea what my weight will be when I'm all toned and stuff with visible muscles and all that. So I'm sure I'll have a bit more beyond 77 to lose. But I can only ask all of you to stick with this whole process for so long. Reading about it will only be interesting for so long. I know that. So 77 seems like a good number.

Why 77 and not 75, you ask? Could it be that my starting weight had a 7 or a 2 at the end??? Which would bring me down to an even 0 or 5 at the end of that goal weight number? Food for thought ...

P.S. I'm open to any and all ideas about how to reignite the flames of victory here. All of you weight-loss pros out there, how did you maintain your drive?